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Why I'm A Bad Mom - I Laugh At My Child's Pain

I really tried to come up with a better title than that, but it is so fitting! I love my kid, and seeing him in pain is one of the worst things in the world, but I refuse to react strongly to it. Since he was little, when he fall or bumped into something we would smile and say "good crash!" or ask "are you ok?" if it was something that sounded particularly damaging. The result is a kid who now bounces up after falling with a smile and laughs, "that was a good crash."

The looks and reactions to this have not always been the most positive, but they have sometimes been amusing. At his second birthday party he was running down the driveway and wiped out hard. All of the adults gasped and started to do the comforting thing, but he got up, dusted off, and kept going. He then came back to me a few minutes later with blood trickling down both legs because he had skinned his knees and didn't want to stop playing. 

There is a down side to this as well; he has no shame in blaming me for injury. When he was about two I bumped his head against the car as I was lowering him into his car seat. He spent the next week asking me "mama, why you BASH my head?" At random times, always when other people were in earshot, and included a smack against his head with his palm. More recently, I was trying to get him out the door quickly to run some errands and he tripped and scraped his face in multiple places. He was sure to let everyone who asked about it know that I threw him on the floor. Kid knows how to guilt trip.

I try not to use language that results in toxic masculinity. There are no calls to man up, take it like a man, or any comments demeaning femininity like calling him a sissy. I just want my son to know that sometimes things hurt, and point out that sometimes bad choices lead to consequences (lots of his injuries are due to bad choices). When he is legitimately hurt, I ask what will help, and usually a kiss or snuggle are all the fix he needs. How do you react to pain?

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